Day Five - From Panic to Power Growing Up, Changing, and Finding My Escape

As I headed into my teenage years, everything started changing. I was trying to understand who I was while dealing with all kinds of new emotions and feelings.

I went from Barbie dolls to baseball, football, sports, and anything that kept me active. I was a real tomboy, and I loved it. Looking back, I realize those activities were more than just fun for me. They were tools. They gave my mind somewhere else to go. When I was playing, running, competing, or staying busy, my mind felt a little more at ease.

For a while, I found something that helped quiet the anxiety.

Then puberty crept in.

Suddenly, life started changing again. Baseball and football weren’t the only things on my mind anymore. I started caring more about what people thought of me and the way I looked and started experiencing emotions I didn’t completely understand.

And with all those changes, the anxiety started finding its way back in.

Then, while I was still learning how to understand being a teenager, I experienced an uncomfortable incident involving someone I trusted. I felt I had no choice but to keep it buried deep inside. I didn’t know how to process what had happened or how to talk about it, so I carried it silently. That experience had a lasting effect on my anxiety,and I struggled with how to live with it well into my adult years.

That’s something I’m realizing as I tell my story: anxiety sometimes becomes quieter when we find healthy outlets, but changes in life—and the experiences we keep hidden—can wake it back up again.