Day Twenty - From Panic to Power

Things had finally started going well. I was working for the cleaning company during the day, hosting jewelry parties at night and learning how to believe in myself.

Then the jewelry company collapsed—and my mother became very sick.

My life began falling apart again. Her cancer was spreading, and I had to balance taking her to treatments, bringing my boys to school and continuing to work. I had three sisters, but they had their own lives. I often felt as though my life and responsibilities did not matter as much.

But this was my mother—my best friend—and I was not leaving her.

When the decision was made to place her in a care facility because no one had time to care for her, I felt sick to my stomach. I stayed beside her every day. When she was eventually moved to Calvary Hospital, I remained with her until she passed away.

Losing my mother broke something inside me.

I became deeply depressed and barely left my house for months. The woman who had worked two jobs, raised her children and walked into rooms pretending to be confident could no longer find the strength to walk outside.

Then one day, while going through my mother’s belongings and looking at my life, a thought came over me: Who is going to take care of my children and me?

The answer was painful but powerful.

It had to be me.

I could not wait for someone else to rescue us. Somewhere beneath the grief, fear and anxiety, the determined woman my mother had helped raise was still there. I had to find her again.

When my mother—my best friend—passed away, I lost myself for a while. Then I realized my children and I still needed someone to fight for us. That person had to be me.

##MyMotherMyBestFriend #GriefJourney #MotherlessDaughter #AnxietyRecovery